1000 Ways to Die: Going Down Under
by TotalDramaRox97
Summary: I guess this could be an Easter Special and I wanted to make a new one, it's been a while


When Easter comes around, many people think of the resurrection of God, but this Easter will show the exact opposite. We got a human chimney who lights up, a nature lover who gets up close and personal, a stowaway who never reaches his destination, a pickpocket goes for broke, a relatively calm Black Friday, a hunter who calls shotgun, and an RC enthusiast who goes to the highest place possible. These people may be dying this Easter but we can make it an Easter Idiot hunt on the next episode of 1000 Ways to Die.

(opening credits)

Date: March 30, 2006  
Location: Jonesboro, AR

Smoking is the worst thing you can do to your body, it decreases your life span by over 20 years, it ruins your health and appearance, and can leave you flat broke. So why might you wonder do people start smoking? There's no clear cut answer, but this guy, Richard. At age 58, Richard had been smoking for over 40 years. He's well aware of the hazards of smoking, but did it anyway. Richard smoked an average of 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Seventeen years ago, Richard's smoking habit made his wife and children leave him. "Look if you care about smoking more than our children's health, I'm leaving you." "Fine go, see if I care." Richard didn't need a family. Smoking mattered more to him than eating.

Nicole Radcliff Pulmonologist: "Cigarettes contain over 2,000 toxins including arsenic which is used in rat poison, cyanide also used in rat poison, and nicotine, an extremely toxic and addictive substance. Cigarettes were thought to be safe for a while, but in about the 60's doctors started questioning if smoking was safe. Studies proved that smoking caused emphysema and other many serious medical problems, so companies were forced to put warning labels on their products. By then, many people had already gotten hooked to cigarettes and had trouble quitting and since smoking takes years to kill there was a large number of deaths caused by smoking from anywhere to 10, 20 even 30 years after the discovery was made."

Richard was evicted from his apartment for smoking so much. He moved into this small house that had no air conditioning, so the stench of his cigarette smoking was trapped in his house. That's the only thing Richard didn't like about smoking. For the previous few weeks, Richard's smoking days had caught up with him. Richard went to a doctor and got a diagnosis for his "mysterious" condition. "Richard, do you smoke?" "Of course I do, I'm allowed to." "How frequently would you say you smoke?" "I smoke about 2 packs every day for the over 40 years." "Okay listen, you're having serious heart problems and your lungs don't sound good either. I suggest you quit smoking now." The doctor wrote Richard a prescription for nicotine patches and gave him a pamphlet about a program to help him overcome his addiction, but Richard had no plans of following the doctor's advice. (Richard laughs and throws away the prescription and pamphlet as soon as he leaves)

Richard decided to figure out his own way to cure his problems. He looked to the internet and read about a little product called nitroglycerine. Nitroglycerine is a highly volatile chemical that is often used to treat people with heart disease. Richard figured, if he put nitroglycerine in his cigarettes and inhaled it mixed in with the smoke, the heart problems caused by the smoking would be fixed. Does anyone watching think this is a good idea?

Richard got his buddy to get him some nitroglycerine. Richard went to his garage and decided to perform his experiment. "This is genius; I can't believe no one's ever thought of this before." There are a lot of flaws in Richard's plan. For one, Richard's buddy warned him "Be careful that stuff is strong, use only a little bit of it." Surprisingly, Richard took this advice seriously. (puts nitroglycerine on the tip of his cigarette). Richard got his lighter, and as soon as the flame touched the tip of the cigarette, (cigarette explodes and Richard falls backwards with his face singed) Richard's plan blew up in his face.

Robert Walsh Explosives Technician: "When the cigarette exploded, it generated a strong force that wasn't able to cause fatal damage itself, but it blew the cigarette into pieces. Shards from the exploded cigarette travelling at high velocity penetrated the back of his mouth and lodged into the spinal cord. Since the pieces of cigarette were still hot from the explosion, they caused severe burning of his spinal cord, shutting it down, and killing him."

Most of the cigarettes Richard smoked took out a lot of his alveoli. The one he thought would save him took out, himself.

Way to Die #641  
Smoke Defect-or

Date: November 14, 2005  
Location: New York, NY

One thing New York City is most well-known for is its massive subway system. Every day thousands of passengers aboard the trains to get to their intended destinations, but don't you ever wonder what happens to people while their waiting for their train. Say hello to Deacon. Deacon, like many New Yorkers, liked to rely on the subway to get to and from his workplace. Outside of his normal job, Deacon had another less legal career. After work he would go to the subways and pickpocket anyone he saw. The massive crowds allowed him to get away with his crime without being noticed.

Michael Matthews Subway Driver: "Within New York tens of thousands of people come through everyday whether it's used for transit to school, work, or some special event they're going to. With that many people using the subways you're bound to find freaks and people who are just plain weird. I remember one time I was taking the subway and I saw a man dressed as a butterfly and asking us to donate money for his college fundraiser. And one time I remember I saw a man wearing a wetsuit on the subway, which would be a lot less strange if it hadn't been winter. So yeah you never know what type of people you're going to find on the subway."

Deacon was very quick and had the stealth of a master pickpocket. Every day, he took the subway several different times. While on board he would pickpocket wallets, money, coupons, even food people keep in their pocket. "Who puts half a sandwich in their pocket?" As he entered and left the subway or if he was waiting for another train to take, he'd pickpocket anyone else he could find.

This day was like any other for Deacon. He goes to the subway as transit for his job. While waiting in line, he sees a man wearing a large jacket. When the line moves, Deacon makes his. (reaches into the man's coat pocket and steals what he grabs) He only made off with a little spare change. "What a cheapskate." Next, he waits for his train to come. A train comes, but it's not Deacon's. However, Deacon is still able to figure out how to gain even more money in a method he's never thought of before. He gets near the train door and when it opens he pretends to go in and starts trying to pickpocket someone thinking it'll just seem like he just wants to get on the train. He's able to make off with a man's wallet, but when he opens it he finds the tables have been turned on him. "Empty? Who keeps an empty wallet with them?" He leaves frustrated that his tactics are no longer working.

After the 8 hour shift at his work place, Deacon goes back to the subway and decides to pickpocket more people. This time however, goes back to his original methods that worked. He looks around for more people to pickpocket. He sees a man wearing baggy pants and selects him as his next target. He gets near a large group of people and right as Deacon passes the man, (Deacon reaches into the man's back pocket and finds a $20 bill), he swipes the money from right under the man's nose. He starts travelling random subways stealing from anyone he finds might have some decent cash, or is just easy to steal from.

Deacon got off at his next stop and as he waits for the next train to come pick him up, he decides to counted money he had accumulated instead of pickpocketing more people. (Deacon leans on a metal post and starts counting his money) After counting all the bills, Deacon counts the change he stole too. "Let's see 10, 20, 35, 60." (Deacon drops a quarter and it lands onto the railway) Deacon was not going to let any of the money he stole get away, not even loose change. (Deacon puts his arm over the ledge and starts reaching for it) Deacon continues to reach for the quarter that's on the rails. Does this sound like a good idea to anyone? He gets closer and closer to the quarter and when he finally reaches it, (Deacon grabs the quarter and electricity pulses through his body and he starts grunting right before he dies) he learns why your parents always told you never to step on the train track.

Anthony Janero Electrical Engineer: "Subways have a rail called the third rail that is electrified with live wires so when the metal coin was dropped on the third rail the electricity was pulsing through the quarter. Once this man touched it, that electricity would run up his left arm and travel to his right leg because his foot was touching the metal post. By travelling that path it was able to go through his heart disrupting the natural electrical signal of the heart and shutting down his heart."

Deacon was a low life scumbag who took peoples' money no matter how much or how little it was. Hey Deacon, there's a reason greed is considered a deadly sin.

Way to Die #25  
Current-Cy

Coming up, a zoophilic has something other than his dick go up and this guy brings a new meaning to "fight or flight".

Date: April 26, 2012  
Location: Zambia, Africa

In the wilderness of Africa, people have a chance to see the very little part of nature that hasn't been destroyed for industrial purposes. Nick here wasn't looking for that, he's here for a reason that goes beyond disturbing. He was here because he loved animals, and no, we don't mean love as in caring about them. Nick was a zoophilic, which means he has a fetish for animals. He knew how dangerous actually getting it on with an animal was. So instead of risking that, he would go into the wilderness during mating season, and film animals mating. He was addicted to the animals' displays of passion.

Jules Sylvester Wildlife Expert: "For some animals, showing them videos of other animals mating inspire them to do it themselves. This is done with animals that need to mate more often, such as pandas. Pandas, being an endangered species, need to mate in order to preserve the population. A contributing factor to the decline in pandas is their lack of mating. They often show them panda porn to inspire them to repeat the actions seen in these photos. People are actually hired to go out to get footage of pandas mating to help the process."

Nick was not picky with the animals he watched get dicky. He loved a wide variety of animals. He had gotten so addicted to watching animals get dirty he had saved up money to go to a place with a wide variety of animals can roam free and mate, Africa. Nick was well aware of the myriad of wildlife out in the area and he knew that with that many animals in one area it would be nearly impossible to find all the animals not mating. He had gone out to record these animals and was careful to avoid rich tourists on safaris from finding out his twisted obsession.

Nick had done a lot of research on where animals live and their mating habits, which he also enjoyed watching. One thing he forgot to do research on was the locations they mate at. He had to rely on his skewed logic to find animals to get footage of. To get his first shot, Nick figured that a place that has many animals going there at once would surely have animals mating there, a watering hole. Unlucky for him, the animals actually came there to quench their thirst not to mate. It was time to take his sick twisted search to a different location. Nick wasn't going to go too deep into the wilds fully aware of how dangerous the animals can truly be.

After 3 hours, of searching in vain for animals, Nick decided to relax in a tree. He decided that if he can't find the animals, the animals should just find him. It's been an entire hour and the depraved and deprived zoophilic was getting impatient. "What the (bleep) is taking them so long?" In an unironic display of timing, a herd of zebras came into the open field ready to reproduce unaware of the psycho who is getting hot off their mating. (Nick starts filming them) Nick kept shifting the camera's position having trouble which pair he enjoyed watching. He couldn't wait to get back home and watch their actions and get off on it.

As the nutcase goes back to the hotel, he sees what he finds to be a gift, two giraffes. These towering mammals were ready to mate with each other and Nick was going to make sure he got every bit of it. He hit record. As the animals started the breeding process, Nick was not happy with what he was getting. He was trying to get good shots, but the giraffes were so tall that getting a good shot of them was very difficult. He moved closer, he didn't care if he saw the animals he just wanted to see their mating. The closer got the happier he was. The giraffes were getting closer and closer to hitting their peak and so was Nick.

Finally, the giraffe popped, (giraffe unintentionally kicks its leg hitting Nick's chin sending his head flying) and so did Nick; as in his head, right off his shoulders. When the giraffe climaxed, the tension was so intense that the giraffe released an involuntary kick that walloped him in the chin hard enough to rip through his neck tissue, sever his spinal cord, and decapitate him.

Dr. Bal Raj Orthopedic Surgeon: "You can think of the human neck like silly putty. With insignificant force, the neck tissue would just stretch and be relatively harmless. However, with a severe amount of force like a powerful enough kick to the chin would cause the neck to thrust back with so much force, the neck tissue would stretch to the point of tearing. If the force is powerful enough, the force can go through the tissue and go straight to the spinal column and detach the head right from the body causing death."

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. We say a story about a freak getting his head kicked off by a giraffe is worth a spot on 1000 Ways to Die.

Way to Die #609  
Slain in the Neck

Date: March 17, 2007  
Location: Jackson, WY

When most people grow up, they grow out of toys they used to love. Dolls, toy trains, stuffed animals; most people don't need those when they are all grown up. Ezekiel was the same way except for one toy he loved, his RC helicopter. Ezekiel dreamed of being a helicopter pilot, but with no money to go to college he chose the next best thing, modifying toy helicopters and battling them with others. Once Ezekiel modified the toy helicopters, he'd take them to the park. Once there, he would find an opponent, nail them with some trash talk. "Hey, you really think that butterfly is worth actually bringing to the park." Once they agreed to challenge them, it was game on. (toy helicopters start battling in the air)

Louis Chadwick Toy Designer: "RC helicopters can come in all shapes and sizes. You have the small plastic ones that don't go too high to ones that are 50 pounds. I've seen RC helicopters that were bigger than the person controlling it."

Ezekiel took on all challengers. Nerds, fathers, hobbyists, Ezekiel would show them his stuff. At age 24, Ezekiel had completely forgotten about his dream of becoming a helicopter pilot in favor of battling RC helicopters. Without a job, you might be wondering how Ezekiel makes his money. Ezekiel would often gamble against competitors hoping to squeeze a profit out of his fun. Also, the battles at the park attracted a large audience. They watched the battle of the helicopters Ezekiel always won, the crowd loved it. Ezekiel would often squeeze audience members out of some money. "You know, this is fun and all, but I don't know how I can repair the damages to the helicopter." (man hands him 20 dollars) "Keep it." Every dollar not spent on expenses of Ezekiel's living costs was spent on new RC helicopters or modifications to his helicopter to make them more brutal and hardcore. Ezekiel had all types of modifications like metal plates to reinforce his helicopters, spikes on the front of the helicopters to punch holes in his opponent's toy helicopters, ropes to tangle the opponent's rotors, and much more.

Ezekiel's newest helicopter which he called "The Avian" had his favorite improvement ever. Ezekiel had replaced the flimsy rotor blades with heavy duty plastic that would destroy the opponents it came in contact with. Ezekiel oiled the rotors to make them spin even faster. "I'm the god of aircraft battles and this is my disciple." Ezekiel took The Avian to the park. He decided to look for a new challenger, someone who would bring out The Avian's true power to full use. While looking around, Ezekiel finds and old rival nicknamed Albatross. Four years ago, Ezekiel challenged Albatross to a battle. Albatross was Ezekiel's hardest opponent ever. Albatross had nearly won, until Ezekiel nosedived his toy helicopter into Albatross' sending it plummeting to the ground. Four years later, Albatross was elated to have a rematch. "Looking for a rematch?" "Yes I am." Albatross had gotten a lot of practiced which he bet would pay off.

The battle was on. Ezekiel and Albatross were giving everything they had to beat the other. (The Avian punches a small hole into its opponent with the spike Ezekiel attached to the front) Albatross started with the upper hand, landing a nasty hit into The Avian's tail, but soon after, Ezekiel got back in after ramming The Avian into his opponent's rotors. Ezekiel decided it was time to finish this battle the way he did four years ago, but with a little help from the newly adapted rotors. "It's time to test out the new modification."(Ezekiel moves The Avian over his head) "Giving up so soon Ezekiel?" Ezekiel sent The Avian flying full force into its opponent's copter. (The Avian's rotor blades get jammed in its opponent's landing gear) "Get your helicopter off mine." The rotor blade breaks the landing gear, not only allowing it to escape, but raising suspicion to Albatross. Albatross decides to finish the battle on his own terms. (Albatross sends his RC helicopter into the tail of The Avian sending it into a tailspin) With The Avian sent into a tailspin heading towards the ground, it looks like Ezekiel has lost his first match. Ezekiel tries to regain control of The Avian, but it was hit with too much force to overcome. "Come on." That's when The Avian, turns on its master. (The Avian flies into Ezekiel with the rotor blades cutting through his neck over and over) By the time Ezekiel can stop it (Ezekiel turns off The Avian making it fall to the ground) the damage was done (Ezekiel falls back holding his neck) and so was his life.

Dr. Michael Kurtz Medical Practitioner: "When the helicopter flew into this individual's neck, the strong rotor blades were able to slice through the soft neck tissue over and over shredding all veins and arteries of the neck. Once these blood vessels are cut, bleeding becomes uncontrollable. So attempts to stop the bleeding like covering the wound would be in vain, and the person would lose all blood going to and from the brain. With such massive blood loss from both the brain and blood being pumped to the brain, death would ensue within a couple of minutes."

Ezekiel was an over competitive RC helicopter freak. But when The Slave-Ian turned on its master it scratched lines right through Ezekiel's neck.

Way to Die #424  
Aero-Die-Nam-Ick

Coming up, clean up on aisle anywhere this woman is and shots go off but the wrong things are getting offed.

Date: November 25, 2011  
Location: San Francisco, CA

You know how Christmas season is called the time of peace on earth and good will to man. If you're going to say that, never use Black Friday as an example. Because at the start of Christmas season, stores get so violent it makes hockey look like a tea party.

Security Guard: "When stores start their Black Friday sales shoppers often go berserk trying to get the best deals on Christmas gifts. Due to stores having a limited amount of the items people want to buy in the inventory, people get very competitive so they don't wind up missing a great deal because another shopper got it before them. Fistfights often break out and there are counts of how many injuries there were on Black Friday. Sometimes the need to pepper spray people at the stores. And there are even stories about people who died on Black Friday often from getting trampled by the huge crowds of people. Basically, Black Friday may be profitable for stores it does result in a day of a lot of violence."

Tara here is a very violent shopper herself. Every Black Friday she tries to get the best deals at stores, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Her fuse is smaller than a hydrogen atom. As soon as the stores opened their doors she went in there getting her hands on anything she can get a good deal on whether it's for her or someone else. If you try to get something Tara wants on Black Friday, the only way you're getting out of the store is in the back of an ambulance. (woman grabs a pillow Tara is grabbing at the same time and Tara punches her in the face causing the woman to fall to the ground with a bloody nose) Even her coworkers aren't spared from her wrath. One time when a colleague tried to get a set of candles that Tara wanted, she received an elbow to the stomach

This year, Black Friday was no different. Tara had camped out at a store hoping to be the first one in and get something decent at an affordable price. Tara was at the front of the massive crowd and was not going to let anyone cut in front or just anyone closer to the door than she was. (pushes a guy of to the side who is closer to the door than her) When the doors opened, (employee unlocks door and the crowd comes stampeding in) it was like four dozen horse races starting at the same time. Parents clustered in the electronics section, all types of people gathered in the clothing section, and the card section was more packed than a water balloon. Tara had a list of stuff she needed and who she needed to get them for.

First, was a coffee machine for her sister who had just had a baby. While Tara's gift was for a genuinely good cause, it didn't excuse the lengths of which she went to get it. She stormed the appliance section facing a crowd of people trying to get everything from blenders to tongs. She charged into a crowd of people near the coffee machine quickly caught in the large crowd. After a seemingly endless barrage of elbows and shoving, Tara had gotten to the machine she wanted when a man who had patiently waited for his chance to get it without cutting in front of people got his hands on it. Tara took this action as a battle cry. She charged into the man. "Easy lady. I'm sorry, but at least there are other machines you can buy." There was no reasoning this cauldron of rage and adrenaline. She started by kneeing him in the groin (man bend over in pain), gouging his eyes, and finally kicking him in the back of his bad knee. She took the coffee machine with little consideration for the wellbeing of the man she took it from.

Next, was a gift card for her favorite cousin. This should seem like a relatively simple task, but nothing is simple when facing this woman on Black Friday. The gift card area was relatively small and instead of getting in a fight, these people were rather calm and were gathered around trying to get it. Tara comes in with a lack of consideration and cuts in front of everyone. "Hey, you can't do that." "Yeah we've been waiting here for like 20 minutes." No one told Tara what to do. She pushed a pregnant lady (shoves the lady and she knocks over 3 other people) and that was the last straw for them. "What is your problem? It's just a gift card." "If it's no big deal than just take them." (swipes an entire row of cards knocking them onto the ground)

Finally, was a paint set for her retired mother. Once again, Tara went to unreasonable lengths to get it. She gets to the surprisingly empty section and grabs the first paint set she can find. At the same time, so does a mother who wants to get it for her daughter. "This is mine." "No I had it first." "There are other paint sets." "Then why don't you get one?" "My daughter specifically wanted this one." "Well who gives a (bleep) about your daughter?" Tara had just made a huge error. This mother was in the roller derby and would not tolerate anyone insulting her kids. "That tears it." (punches Tara and she elbows the mother) (the mother sweeps out Tara's leg from under her while shoving her knocking her to the ground with Tara's head and neck sticking out of the aisle) The falls stuns Tara long enough for a large crowd to come running while she's on the ground. (crowd tramples Tara) When the crowd cleared, Tara's brain was more scrambled than an egg yolk.

Dr. Sherri Nichols Neurologist: "The cranium is very durable, but like all the bones in the body there is only so much they can handle. Once the crowd trampled her, the weight caused hairline fractures to form, followed by cracks, and soon bone fragments formed and began to dislodge. So as the crowd trampled her, these bone fragments drove into her brain killing her."

Tara went Black Friday shopping for gifts but got a little gift her own. One nonrefundable death, wrapped in over 2 tons of humans, and delivered 6 feet underground.

Way to Die #137  
Black Death

Date: March 1, 1996  
Location: Vietnam, Asia

Ah, the Vietnamese jungles. Out here it's magnificent scenery, but like all places, there's danger. The most dangerous kind to find out here are illegal hunters. One of the most ruthless is a hunter named Thai Minh. Thai Minh loved hunting, but over time the enjoyment of the excitement of hunting had overwhelmed him had made him addicted to it. It's gotten to the point where his hunting has turned into poaching. Once a week, Thai Minh would go out into the jungles and shoot animals regardless of whether or not it was legal to hunt them.

Sean Roach Wildlife Educator: "The laws on poaching vary from which location and which animals you are poaching because certain animals are more sacred to specific locations. You can get years in prison if you were to poach say a bald eagle in America, while in some locations if you kill one animal that's very special to the location, you can actually get sentenced to death."

Today, Thai Minh had a lot of pinned up hostility over the week and he hoped to take that out on the animals living in the jungle. Thai Minh had no remorse for the animals he shot down in the wild with his rifle. He shoots a few birds (shots fired), a monkey (shot fired), even a water monitor (shot fired). Thai Minh continued his hunting enjoying the thrill he gets from it.

Thai Minh continued his hunting, when out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of an animal running. He fired a shot, but by the time he did the animal had already disappeared in the cluster of trees. Thai Minh decided to follow it hoping for a challenge. He follows the animal throughout the jungle. Finally, he looks around and sees a tiger cub. Thai Minh has no second thought about what he's going to do to it. (fires a shot and the tiger cub lets out a cry) Lucky for the tiger cub, the bullet wound up in its leg and wasn't a fatal wound. Unlucky for Thai Minh, he had shot the tiger cub in front of its mother, a female tiger known as a tigress. She was not happy about what Thai Minh had to her baby and went mama bear on Thai Minh.

The pursuit was on an infuriated tigress against a hunter. Thai Minh wanted to try to fire a shot but he knew the tiger would kill him before he could get to the trigger. It's no question that a tiger can run faster than a human can, but the numerous clusters of trees allowed Thai Minh to maneuver in a way that he could outmatch the tigress's speed. Eventually, Thai Minh is able to out maneuver mama bear tigress and he feels a sense of relief. Thai Minh continued running just to be safe when he discovered there's more danger than just animals and hunters out here. (Thai Minh stumbles and screams in agony dropping his rifle in the process) Thai Minh had just triggered a booby trap from the Vietnam War known as a Punji pit.

Robert Pierce Military Historian: "In the Vietnam War, one type of trap commonly used by the Vietnamese was called punji pits. These pit traps were designed that when stepped on, would have the person's foot go through the cover and into a small hole that at the bottom had an upright spike that impaled the victim's foot. These pits were often filled with animal dung putting the person who activated it at a great risk of developing an infection. The pit itself was surrounded by spikes that would allow the person's foot to go down past them, but when they tried to extract their foot, the spikes would make their foot be stuck in the pit restricting their movement and leaving them stationary."

With his trapped foot preventing him from running (tigress comes around a tree), the tigress had no problem catching up to Thai Minh, (Thai Minh tries to get his out of reach gun and the tigress pounces him) and mauling him to death. (tigress starts clawing and attacking Thai Minh) (Thai Minh screams in agony flailing his arms and legs as the tigress mauls him until his arms drop)

Thai Minh was a poacher who took to hunting animals for pleasure. When he shot the wrong animal, the hunter became the hunted and Thai Minh became one with nature.

Way to Die #74  
Punji Boned

Coming up, crime doesn't pay but it will get charged.

(special thanks to my friend Rebekah for helping me with this next segment)

Date: March 14, 2008  
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Tomas is in a financial wreck. It's the Great Recession, he has no employment, his wife and kids left him, and he is in more debt that all Ivy League students combined. Don't waste your pity of this loser though. What happened was, Tomas used to have a steady job at a sporting goods store until he sexually harassed a female client. He got fired, sued, divorced, and lost custody of his children after he was deemed unfit around his children. After that all his debt began piling up and he owed more and more money by the day. Do you still have any pity let for him? Well this will dissolve any that you have left. Thomas hasn't paid taxes in years, he never pays child support, and he had never paid the client for the lawsuit. The only reason he didn't bother to get a new job was because he was afraid of the IRS tracking him. Recently, his ex-wife, who had been covering his butt for tax evasion, turned him in for not paying child support since the divorce and now everything was about to close in on him. His plan was to sneak onto the wheel well of a plane, and hide in Vietnam, which has no extradition treaty with the US.

Kerri Laron Police Officer: "A law that some people don't know is that if a divorced parent does not live in the same country as their child, they are not required to pay child support so that is used by some parents to avoid it."

Tomas packed away the few things he owned and made his way to the airport. He had no clue if there were any flights to Vietnam, so he just found the flight that was landing closest to Vietnam as possible and just journey from there.

He found a flight that was leaving in 2 hours so he picked that one to sneak onto. He went to the runway, hopped the fence, and maneuvered his way to the wheel. (climbs up landing gear) And he now waited for the flight to take off. To avoid arousing suspicion, he wore a black blanket to disguise himself. It was a long wait especially after a delay, but finally the plane took off and Tomas felt he was on his way to freedom, but his plans had more bumps in it than the I-55 in Louisiana.

First off, he had to worry about the landing gear coming up. Unlike garage doors, these things would sooner crush your head than bounce back. Tomas was unlucky enough that he took off his covering a before the landing gear came up. (takes blanket off and it falls out of the wheel well) Without thinking, Tomas goes to grab it, when the landing gear begins to come up. (landing gear elevates and Tomas avoids it)

After narrowly avoiding his head becoming part of the plan, he experienced the next problem with hiding in wheel well right as the plane hit cruising altitude. The thin atmosphere made it difficult for Tomas to breathe, but after finding a steady breathing pattern, Tomas thought he would make it.

Here's the next problem with air travel in the wheel well. The low altitude makes it colder than a polar vortex. Tomas could feel himself going through the stages of hypothermia, but was not about to let himself die. He had a plan though. Tomas had heard of a man who had survived flying over the Pacific after a leaky pipe gave off warm air, and he was going to attempt to pull that off. Tomas was no aircraft engineer, but given how he's been practically married to lady luck, Tomas had a chance. He started busting a pipe, and miraculously broke the one for warm air. He was still freezing his ass off but he was warm enough to survive.

Tomas should've entered the lottery with his luck, at least then he could've paid off all his debt. The plane was close to destination and Tomas felt on top of the world, both literally and figuratively. The landing gear came down and the plane started tilting. Tomas' luck had finally run out. The freezing temperatures from the high altitude made it impossible for Tomas to use his muscles. The tilting of the plane and the open wheel well provided the perfect death formula. (Tomas falls out of the plane and hurtles towards the ground and when he hits, blood splatters into the camera lens)

Daniel Henderson Physicist: "Our victim was falling at a consistent velocity of 9.8 meters per second squared. Before he reached the ground, he hit terminal velocity which is when the velocity of a falling object can't go any faster. The man collided at the ground with so much force his bones were destroyed, his organs were crushed, and the pressure would cause tissue and blood to just explode out of the body leaving bones protruding out of the skin and he died instantly, like a fly hitting a windshield."

Tomas was motivated by one thing in his life, greed. It seems fitting that his death involved going down, crashing, and going broke.

Way to Die #900  
Splat's All Folks

(end credits)


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